Thursday, January 15, 2009

Stuck in a massive parenting dilemma.....

So we are stuck in a massive parenting dilemma..... For those who know me, you all know I am a very strict, by the book parent that keeps my kids in check as much as I can. With Briley is has been easy in some spots and challenging in others. For example, Briley was always a GREAT sleeper and started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and never quit. She still sleeps about 12 hours every night in her own bed..... She LOVES her bed and never complains..... On the other hand she challenges us daily with her smarts. She talks back and spends a good part of her day in the corner..... Then we have Kayelyn. While only 7 months old, she is challenging us, this time with her separation anxiety, sleeping habits and other little things that I find perplexing....

Kayelyn was sleeping through the night for about 3 weeks and suddenly stopped, waking up in a complete frenzy, acting scared to death, like she was having a night terror, which we have experienced with Briley. Thinking it was a faze we dealt with it- and are still dealing. She doesn't want to lay down... thinking she had reflux we had the doctors checked it out and said yes she has slight reflux and to treat her with meds and give her highly filtered water... apparently our water was SUPER high in chlorine..... higher than our pool- ick. So we did that she she still doesn't want to lay down. Unless you are with her. It doesn't matter where, she just wants mom or dad all the time. This is not everyday run of the mill separation anxiety. Briley had that for a bit and "crying it out" and a bit of patience fixed that..... Kayelyn actually acts TERRIFIED if you put her down. when you pick her up she cuddles in your neck and hangs on. She is happy if she is by us. We tried to cry it out and I thought she may end up back in the NICU, the fit she was in she could barely breath she was so upset. The other odd thing is that she completely flips out when you dress her and put clothes over her face or try to wipe her face with a cloth that covers her mouth or nose. I am not talking about acting annoyed or whining like most kids do when they have their face wiped, she starts breathing heavy, trying to catch her breath and her eyes are as big as saucers - she looks SCARED to death. So I asked the doctor about it and he said, that while Kayelyn doesn't likely remember her stint in the NICU, she missed out and nearly 2 months of crucial bonding that included holding, cuddling, hugs, kisses, nursing and feeding out of a bottle... This can cause her to be extra clingy and almost scared to be away from us.....He also said that having the tubes on her face and up her nose and down her throat along with the blindfold to keep her calm and dark in the NICU could cause her to have recollection of the feeling and make her panic if she thinks she can't breath....

The MORAL of our story.... We are trying overcome this..... Not the Wiping of the face as much, but the separtion anxiety and sleeping habits. Right now Nathan and I have been forced to do what we said we would never do-- put her between us in bed. If you know me, you know I really DO not like this and vowed to never do this.... But two things are for sure.

1- We need sleep
2- I don't want to stress Kayelyn out. If she truly is having issues because of her NICU experience, the last thing I want to do is make it worse.

Anyone have any advice??????????


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  2. Well, I actually DO love co-sleeping with our babies, and it's just the type of parenting we do. Attachment Parenting. It goes against the norm, but that has never stopped us before (homeschooling, for one!). I truly believe every parent must remember that 1) your child is unique, 2) you are unique, 3) your situation is unique. You and Nathan are such WONDERFUL parents who love their daughters so much. I know you will do what is best for everyone, even if it isn't the ideal situation for awhile. There will come a day when Kayelyn is more secure and has more time to be "safe" in her daily life. She may not actually remember her NICU experience literally, but she certainly retains some of the fear and anxiety! Poor sweet girl. Remember that she willonly be a little baby for such a short amopunt of time, and she will eventually grow out of it. Hang in there!!!

  3. Cooper had extreme night terrors after surgery too! It took a month to unattach adn sleep on his own. Everything is a phase!!

  4. I completely agree with Lerin. Just remember how lucky & grateful y'all are to have Kayelyn with you today & the wonderful amount of love she is feeling being in the middle of you & Nathan. She too will grow out of it, so don't stress too much. Sounds like y'all have tried everything you can for now & have found what works for you. Your are both amazing parents & doing a great job!!!